The “Mommy Wars” War Zone

by Jennifer Boudreau on July 8, 2013

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Boss Trying to Get Her Point AcrossMany are surprised to find out that I did not breast feed our third baby, not even one suckle. I have learned that breast feeding gives me horrible migraines.  I probably had a migraine four days out of the week with our second baby, and when I was contemplating stopping several months in, I actually had a woman who tried to make me feel guilty for considering it. Seriously? She clearly was not helping the already frustrating situation and I could have cried from the added guilt she created.

In an attempt to keep up with the pain, I was taking my heavy-duty migraine meds and pumping out my breast milk, only to toss it because it was contaminated. I could only take a certain amount of medicine so at times I would be stuck in bed all day with a newborn and 14 month old to take care of. I tried to get the migraines under control by going to an acupuncturist several times a week at $70 a pop, which was not covered by insurance. So not only did I feel like a worthless mom, I was totally draining the family finances. Why on earth would anyone make a mom feel guilty for deciding to scratch breastfeeding under those circumstances? Yes, I KNOW that “breast is best” and is better for bonding with the baby, but it is hard to bond with your baby when you are in that much pain. Unfortunately, that is where we have gone with the mommy wars. There are a lot of moms out there who think they know best, and are critical of anyone who thinks differently.

“It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.” Matthew 15:11

There are few things more unattractive than a woman who cannot control her tongue. I remember meeting a gal who was so beautiful when I first met her…then she started talking. It turns out that she was catty, gossipy and judgmental. As gorgeous as she was on the outside, I never saw that striking beauty again.

Our words are powerful. We can use them to build others up and we can use them to tear others down. Moms, we can be the worst offenders. Here is the deal; every mom has strengths just as every mom has weaknesses. As an example: I LOVE health and wellness. What I love even more is educating others who are interested in learning about the topic. On the flip side, I am terribly non-domestic. I hate to cook and clean…and do not even think about asking me to sew on a button because it just ain’t happening. I don’t care though. I am confident in who I am because God is fair and he gave me strengths just as he gave you strengths. So why dwell on our weaknesses? Why dwell on anyone’s weaknesses?

Who cares if a mom doesn’t breast feed her baby, or to touch on an even bigger topic of debate, if she decides to breastfeed until the kid is 3 years old? Who cares if a mom lets her kid use a binky for too long? Who cares if her kid is dressed in crazy clothes because she let them pick out their own outfit for the day? The eye rolling needs to stop.

People make decisions looking through their personal and unique lens of experience. We live our life and our life only. We raise our kids based on what is important to us. We are far more beneficial to society and our family if we spend our energy building others up rather than judging their decisions. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, period. As moms we are in this together. More importantly, let’s not forget our kids are watching. A judgmental parent creates a judgmental child.

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